California Post is winging into the City of Angels – Latest News
Winging into City of Angels
California, right here we come — proper back the place intercourse began from. Covered wagons. Uncovered ladies. IQ rated by a tape measure. Hollywood. Fire hydrants spout seltzer. Bathtubs go away 14-karat rings. And Monday begins The California Post.
Big time? Classy? Rich? Please. Their minks have sable coats. Wallets? Classified as carry-on baggage. One high college’s Our Lady of the Dow Jones Average.
Agriculture? Please. It cultivated flowers like Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Hedy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Lana Turner, Grace Kelly. Very few have been born in a California manger. Those stalls are for Aston Martins.
Ava Gardner? Her delivery was in — prepared? — Grabtown, N.C., which she shortly traded for a chauffeured Rolls plus a satisfying Sinatra who — boy, did he not need to be instructed which approach to go.
So: Why may California love the New York Post? Because — like an previous boyfriend — it is aware of simply what to do. Big tales. Big automobiles. Big bras. It fills these. It is aware of how to fulfill. And the place. And how typically. And how a lot.
Plus it found gold. And not simply in enamel or contracts. Diggers schlepped out to Sutter’s Mill in 1849 armed with pans simply to grab nuggets. Waste of time. With much less exertion the females might’ve simply married that money register who owns Amazon.
California? GREAT! It’s huge, stunning, sunny, heat, important, wealthy, well-known, it’s Hollywood, LA, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Diego, San Fernando, San Bernardino, San Jose, San Simeon, San every thing, huge trees, huge careers, huge asses, huge properties, some of that are paid for. It raises apricots, almonds, peaches, nectarines, a few oranges, boobs, oy vice presidents. Treasurers need money? They simply call a neighbor. Need brilliantine for an growing old scalp? No downside. Buy Beverly Hills.
And why would our God-bless-us NY Post need to schlep westward ho!? Because Californians have money to burn. It’s cheaper than fuel.
Get opinions and commentary from our columnists
Subscribe to our each day Post Opinion e-newsletter!
Thanks for signing up!
Ask how come Pelosi entered the state with nothing and turned up a millionaire. Me, simply asking.
Everyone liked the California thought. Me, when the subject first got here up, I voted as a substitute for Montana. I heard rumors that people from Butte can truly learn. You simply needed to enlarge the print a little. Born there — Gary Cooper, Michelle Williams, Dana Carvey, some finally moved to California. And though it doesn’t come up typically, Bo Diddley’s delivery identify is Otha Bates.
California. It has Rolls-Royce tricycles, Gucci Christmas trees. It’s acquired trees, solar, swimming pools, divorce legal professionals, actors with names that begin with Rock, Kirk, Clark. A Mergetroyd Junior it doesn’t have.
It’s ‘Ha Ha’ Land
Newbie to LA: “My house has 50 rooms. I even got an 18-hole golf course.” Friend: “Inside the house?”
Stunned by all the stunning ladies in Hollywood, this brand-new resident — recent from his huge previous nation home — stated: “I feel badly. I just cheated on my wife.” His good friend requested: “How many times?” He growled: “How should I know. I’m an editor not an accountant.”
Two beginner hunters — new to the California surroundings — have been driving deep into the wooded countryside. Suddenly they noticed a signal that stated: “Bear Left.” So they went home.
SO, to my buddies: Welcome to California, children, the place the rents are as high as an elephant’s eye — and so are the skirts — and don’t make the mistake of asking a native: “What wine goes best with Alpo.”
Only in LA, children, solely in LA.
