Cardinal Dolan rang in St. Patrick’s Day with a – Latest News
Feeding the marching souls
Ireland. Doesn’t come up a lot in dialog — however be it recognized Halloween was invented in Ireland.
So His Eminence, Timothy Cardinal Dolan invited a few of the trustworthy for breakfast earlier than the St. Patrick’s Day parade. Although he loves New York and New York loves him, not a big crowd. Maybe solely 4 leprechauns are nonetheless left in Galway.
Due to the nation’s tax breaks it’s just like the 51st state. Kill that and in quarter-hour the entire inexperienced nation turns into the Sahara. It’s the place Guinness got here from in the 1700s. And the place in the 2025s many a abdomen carries it.
His Eminence — new robes resulting from his loss of weight — labored his downstairs eating room, reception room and ready room. Many invitees wore inexperienced. Cobbled collectively the few hundred or so regarded just like the Pine Barrens in the Hamptons.
I couldn’t get down on my knees for the St. Pat’s Mass. Isn’t as a result of I’m not respectful — however as a result of I’d by no means be capable to get back up.
So I did the one clever factor. I introduced His Eminence jokes: God heals and medical doctors take the charges.
My buddy’s Catholic. His mom’s an atheist. When he goes to confession he brings his lawyer alongside. Vegas is a non secular metropolis. Hit any on line casino and also you’ll hear somebody say, “Oh, my God.”
Priests to date have the bottom divorce fee.
Union officers have one factor in opposition to our Maker. He labored a six-day week.
Churchgoers imagine in miracles. Nongoers put their religion in the lottery.
And: Jezebel was to be pitied not censured. Heard in my pew: “I’ve prayed for her for years — but I never got her.”
“A meeting’s coming on Mt. Sinai. I need material.” Fisherman: “Thou shalt not kill. Or Thou shalt not steal.” Answer: “No! How often have I told you I can’t use one-liners.”
Known for frugality, there’s the story of O’Shaughnessy strolling home carrying a pint of scotch. A passing bike rider unintentionally knocked him down. Feeling a liquid trickle down his leg, he exclaimed, “Oh, I hope that’s blood.”
Off on a aspect of the Cardinal’s eating room a desk had been set up for liquor . . . hear, it was 9:40 a.m. While I waited for my cardboard cup of espresso a visitor informed me about his favourite bar the place an Irishman requested, “What’s with the sawdust on the floor?” and the bartender answered: “Not sawdust — that’s yesterday’s furniture.”
And the limericks: There was a younger woman of Kent/Who stated that she knew what it meant/When males requested her to dine/And gave her cocktails and wine/She knew what it meant/But off she went.
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One phrase about our blessed Cardinal. He labored the room. Took time with each invitee, every of whom got armbands to indicate their invitation. He went to each particular person, shook every hand. The Catholic Church is our world’s largest: 1.39 billion members. And Timothy Cardinal Dolan takes time for every — a snigger, a keen ear, a good phrase, a pat on the back, a smile or joke or good phrase for each particular person.
So: To show you I’m not intellectual/I’ll do that myself so that you’ll know how/And if this doesn’t work/You can say I’m a jerk/But the actual fact is I gotta go now.
Thanks for studying this far. And completely happy yesterday’s St. Patrick’s Day and I hope to see you all at His Eminence’s subsequent jammed eating room.
Only in New York, children, solely in New York.
