NYC is frozen solid — here’s how to survive – Latest News
Putting all our plans on ice
Where was I when God was buzzing, “Let it snow, let it snow”?
Suddenly, everybody I do know schlepped to Florida. The state now has more New Yorkers than alligators. Their mouths, nevertheless, stay the identical width.
One woman, so wealthy her physique components grow mink hairs, had to fly industrial. Her behind alone was a carry-on. And that didn’t embrace a tennis racket, golf golf equipment, tanning oil or younger man to chauffeur her as soon as she obtained him driving classes.
The stewardess was hurrying. Her date evening was with the pilot in Orlando. Then got here a kerfuffle. Two passengers had the identical seat, so that they’d given my buddy a few {dollars} to get off. Please! She spends more than that on lubrication. They provided her a Bahama Mama, which is vodka, peach liqueur, orange juice, schnapps, pineapple juice, raspberry one thing and cranberry one thing else. She was cautious not to have more than two as a result of she had the early flight back to NYC.
A New Yorker clearing snow from the sidewalk on Third Avenue in Manhattan on Jan. 26, 2026. Matthew McDermott for NY Post
Anyway, we all know it snowed right here, on the day the New York Post went rogue. So, the place and how did that particular Columbia recording of “Let It Snow” start?
Winter blues track
It started in California, in July 1945. Sweltering heat wave. Sammy Cahn wrote it. Jule Styne did the music. Frank Sinatra recorded it in 1950. “Let It Snow” caught on with its lyrics: “The weather outside is frightful/ But the fire is so delightful/ Since we’ve no place to go/ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.” Yeah, wonderful. But higher that ought to begin in a sunny state.
Some motion pictures to watch during a snowstorm: There’s Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid strolling in giant yellow parkas, wanting like taxis, in 2004’s “The Day After Tomorrow.” To see one thing heat and fuzzy, attempt tropical Minnesota in “Fargo,” wherein, enjoying a used car salesman, William H. Macy is into getting his spouse kidnapped. Always comforting to view in a blizzard. He might’ve caught her outside and used her as an hors d’oeuvre. You simply have to be artistic.
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It’s so effing cold right here that Italian pizzerias modified to winter weight olive oil. Our new mayor could be attempting his new bidet. This approach we are able to call him “Smart Ass.” Cold? Hot-ass Bill Clinton’s performing frigid. I simply obtained phrase that Biden — bear in mind him? — is looking for a roommate with a high fever. And Donald higher hurry. Greenland’s shrinking into an ice dice.
Thirsty? Try a six-pack of Prestone. Sex? Before she says, “I’m not that kind of girl,” she shall be. If not for goose bumps, big-ass Lopez would have no determine in any respect. God was really buzzing, “Be grateful for your heartburn.”
Listen, it’s chilly when your neighbor’s husband even appears enticing.
Stellar journeys for zodiacs
Astrologers say to plan holidays across the zodiac. Aries? Italy’s Mt. Etna. Taurus? Hedonistic spots just like the Greek island Sifnos. Gemini? Shopping within the markets in Marrakech. Cancer? Mexico’s Casa Azul, home of Frida Kahlo. Leos love love, so hop a freighter to Alexandria. Worked for Cleopatra and that Marc Antony. Virgo? Go nature. Estonia. Most of the nation’s forest. Libra? Provence, France. Scorpio? Fog-covered seashores of Namibia’s Skeleton Coast. Sagittarius? Drive Route 66 or Australia’s Outback. I did it as soon as, so lotsaluck. Brake for koalas. Capricorn? Oh, who is aware of? Aquarius? Texas’ Big Bend National Park. Pisces? Water. Try Pamukkale, Turkey. And if I missed one thing, you’re in your own.
