The Golden State may never be New York — but at – Latest News
We’re Post-ing up in Calif.
We’re right here. We’ve arrived. The New York Post. We are in California.
I imply, look at it this manner: Ever hear anybody sing, “Montana, here we come”?
OK, so this West Coast obtained the sequoias? We obtained the Rockaways.
Malibu? We obtained Jones Beach.
They obtained statehood in 1850. Mazel tov. Our scorching canine are older than that.
Roads? Please. Two Hupmobiles plus the unique Edsel at full 25 mph clog LA’s freeway.
They obtained Anaheim. Yeah, so what?
Keep Clint Eastwood. We obtained Niagara, Bear Mountain, in addition to the Met, Broadway, St. Pat’s, Park Avenue, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty — who gained’t change into shorts — and the Brooklyn Bridge, which is not going to join Palm Springs.
Calm yourselves: Tiny Laguna’s no Coney Island. Alcatraz? Please. We obtained Rikers. Shrunken Palm Springs? We obtained large Central Park.
New York’s perpetually fabulous New York Post was first to get a lawyer who stated, “Washington did not chop down that cherry tree. The thing was a spruce.”
And well-known faces? Please. It’s home to Britain’s previously completely unemployed, semi-VIP Harry, and his candy spouse Meghan, who as soon as examined for the lead in “Bonnie and Clyde.”
Another factor. Tuna? You obtained them in a can. We obtained John Catsimatidis. You obtained Death Valley? We obtained the Long Island Expressway.
And for those who don’t depend Bugsy Siegel, Fatty Arbuckle, O.J., it’s additionally obtained grizzlies.
Chewing out the Big Apple
Look, NYC’s obtained the No. 1 bagels, world’s best steak, Junior’s well-known cheesecake, so I’m not shifting. But your land out west has issues to admire, like seashores, mountains, deserts and the one barely used wedding ceremony outfits worn for the marriages of Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky.
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And you’re not close to Newark, the place after I parked my car I misplaced 4 hubcaps. Note: No reality to the discuss that Palm Springs plans to relocate on Pitkin Avenue. That rumor started with Mayor Crapdammy and was supported by Kamala, and that three-named ex-bartender whose huge data extends to gin fizz ingredients.
Sea, San and solar
California. Home of every thing starting with “San,” which is Spanish for “saint.” One factor New York lacks. We ought to have San Bronx? San Pitkin Avenue? I imply, San Gowanus Canal simply doesn’t do it.
This strip of land subsequent to the Pacific, named for saints, introduced cities like San Jose, San Juan Capistrano, Sans Carlos, Clemente, Bernardino, Mateo and the jail city of San Quentin.
No Santa Cindy, but the White House is engaged on that.
The place has the Hollywood signal, Silicon Valley, forests, Golden Gate, Fortune 500 firms, an LAPD that goes after miscreants in new Lamborghinis.
And don’t repeat my personal White House data, which is that Donald has no curiosity in downtown Montecito . . . possibly simply Main Street.
Also — excuse the expression — LA’s obtained Gavin Newsom. I’m completed. I now return to studying the phrases of any music that rhymes with “No snow Sacramento.”
