Jimmy Kimmel can’t quit bashing Trump — he may – Latest News
Time to buy doodads for dads
Father’s Day approaches. What to buy the person? The immediately father is into T-shirts, so neglect shopping for a tie. He’s a schloomp.
He schleps in sneakers so shove springing for loafers.
Pedicure? For what purpose.
A hat? He wears crappy caps that publicize basketball video games.
Cigarette case? Please.
Briefcase? The man schleps Gristedes buying luggage.
Fragrance? Not these I’m round.
Socks? No, back to these crappy sneakers.
Suspenders? Only in relaxation houses.
White shirt? Like whenever you noticed one not too long ago?
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Undershirt? Calvin Klein isn’t even promoting one.
Manicure? When was the final one.
Rolex? Street guys are hustling copies.
Skis? In town?!
B’method tickets? To again see “Oklahoma!”?
Personalized stationery? He’s bought his telephone.
A pet? Please, if my Yorkie pees again within the kitchen you may have mine.
Dinner? Outside? Alongside a smelly bus?
Museum go to? Oh, wow, let’s go collectively to see an historical Grecian head.
Flowers? That’s for mothers.
Balloons? That’s for teenagers.
Bracelet? That’s for the spouse’s charge account.
Belt? He’s bought hooks.
Necklace? Also for the spouse’s charge account.
BVDs? Better he ought to go for a becoming.
Trip overseas? Better you must convey a quilt.
Maybe a deep longtime chat with Joe Biden about issues in Yugoslavia.
A 9-by-12 enlargement of Jill Biden in tights — in coloration.
Forget a completely satisfied Father’s Day card for the Menendez brothers.
Or possibly it’s a key to piggy Biden’s piggy brother’s piggy bank.
An out-to-lunch signal for the LIE exhausting hats.
Recording of Bill Clinton singing “There’ll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.”
Old photograph of Obama hugging his spouse.
New photograph of Mrs. Obama strolling away.
Maybe an agent for Jimmy Kimmel.
A job for Prince Andrew.
An alibi for Kanye West.
Visa so de Blasio can go someplace — anyplace.
Papa preaches
Last Father’s Day my good friend known as her dad long distance. They talked 10 minutes. Reminisced about her childhood and the great occasions that they had collectively. When she was prepared to hold up, he mentioned six phrases she’ll always remember. They have been: “By the way who is this?”
