Thank you to New Yorkers for going to the polls — – Latest News
Yuks earlier than the actual yuck
Today, the solely subject is New York.
The costs are up and the management’s down . . . Born bare, moist and hungry, boys get slapped on the ass and it goes downhill from there . . . One stripper awoke after a huge evening, discovered her garments on and yelled: “I’ve been draped” . . . Another realized: Never smack a man in the face who’s chewing tobacco.
With intercourse for sale on the avenue, males will now put on zippers at half mast and like exercise on days starting with T: as we speak, Thursday, tomorrow, Thanksgiving, Thaturday and Thunday . . . NYC’s Sanitation Dept. is devoting its November trash pickup to politicians . . . Some candidates, free to run, even made bail.
Aged New York gents all play golf — a small ball chased by guys too outdated to chase anything . . . Computers are getting too human. One CEO went to jail as a result of his laptop computer turned state’s proof . . . One mistake and you’re known as an fool. Computer makes a mistake and it’s a malfunction.
Communist: A nothing who needs to share his nothing with all people, or one who borrows your pot to cook your goose . . . Dental affected person: “Look, no cavities — but all my gums are gone” . . . In Hell, requested if the detainee most popular Communist or Capitalist part, mentioned “Capitalist. Then I know the heating won’t work.”
Some free advice
Never buy an night robe from a merchandising machine, or a loan company that claims “Do not borrow from friends. Take from us. You’ll lose your friends. You’ll never lose us,” or from an employment company that claims: “Girl needs job. Willing to struggle if given the opportunity.”
Appreciate America!
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Drive final yr’s car, put on this yr’s garments, reside on subsequent yr’s earnings . . . Remember: If your first husband needs to marry you again, he could also be after the money you had married him for. It’s America. Land of alternative. Everyone can nonetheless be a taxpayer.
One factor about being bald — it’s neat . . . He seems like one thing I shot into the facet pocket this afternoon . . . The employer hires married males as a substitute of bachelors. Why? “The married ones don’t get so upset if you yell at them” . . . He says he’s not bald, however he has the widest half I’ve ever seen.
Seedy-looking gent approached a well-dressed kind on Park Avenue with: “Can you lend me $25? I’ve no place to sleep and no food.” Well-dressed man: “How do I know you won’t take this money and buy drugs?” Bum: “No way. That kind of money I’ve already got.”
Thanks to all
And at all times keep in mind the immortal phrases of one of our earlier mayors, who was as soon as requested for $125 for a cup of espresso. The mayor mentioned: “$125 just for a cup of coffee?” And the vagrant mentioned: “Well, I can’t go into a nice restaurant dressed like this!”
So: Thank you for voting. Thank you for loving New York. Thanks for appreciating America. And at all times keep in mind the immortal phrases of one mayor whose title I already forgot: “To enjoy a good reputation — give publicly and steal privately.”
Happy Election Day.
